Here's 50 bucks and a vein; just do it already!

It turns out that I had every right to be concerned.  I haven't been able to post about my visit to the RE on Tuesday since it has taken me that long to recover from it emotionally.  I can honestly tell anyone in MN to run screaming in the other direction from the U of M Reproductive Medicine Center.  Single or married/partnered.  I have no qualms about saying this AT ALL. 

I arrived at 9am, bringing coffee for dear old Dad.  Let me take a second to say that I am so grateful he came with me to support me, even after he had been at work all night.  I checked in, got weighed (~17 pounds lighter; may have been the scale, but I'll take it!), got vitals taken, etc.  Then the NP came in.  Where to start....ok I suppose with labs.  She did point out the FSH to LH ratio not indicating PCOS thing. But she refused to test any of the other hormone levels,  saying that you need to have symptoms in THREE categories for her to even do any further testing.  Since I only have poly cystic ovaries and irregular periods, but no other physiological symptoms, she won't explore PCOS at all.  All my research has indicated that many women won't have those other symptoms, and that blood work needs to be done to rule it out.  I have one doc who says it doesn't need to be done because I already have PCOS, and now this chick says I don't have PCOS so it's not necessary.  It's a friggin' testosterone level for pete's sake.  Here, here's 50 bucks and a vein; just do it already!  She did repeat the TSH, which is now 2.4, and also other thyroid antiboties.  Really not sure what to make of that.  I'm trying to get into an endocrinologist as we speak.  Something's up there.

After that, we talked about the imaging studies.  First off, the cloudy spot on the HSG is probably an air bubble.  When you look at the image progressions, it starts high and moves down.  I'm ok with that explanation.  She did her own ultrasound.  Thin uterine lining, right ovary still hiding.  It appears that my follie count is at around 13 on each side.  But, it looks like nothing is growing at this point, which was CD 9. 

The plan at this point is for me to come back on CD 21 for a progesterone level to confirm if I ovulated or not.  If not, which is very likely, I will take Provera to start my period.  Then I will take 50mg of Clomid for 5 days.  Then, continue to use OPKs and come in on CD 21 to confirm/deny ovulation.  If not, lather, rinse, repeat with 100mg of Clomid, then 150mg, etc.  I tried to talk to her about Femara, but she said that the only reason to switch is if it isn't working or if my lining is too thin.  I'm ok with the process of elimination at this point, especially since I'm not trying for the next cycle at least. 

So, this may seem like everything went fine for the most part.  Quite the opposite.  Now that I have the science out of the way, allow me to explain how they treated me.  A description of judgmental would be putting it lightly.  Let me start off by saying that this is the only clinic in the metro area that requires a psych eval before using donor sperm.  When I asked why that was required and what types of questions would be asked, I was told that they would be asking if I planned on telling the child, how I planned to parent alone, how I thought the child would feel about being donor conceived.  Like it was a test I had to pass to be inseminated.  First of all, those are questions they have no buisness asking.  I AM THE PARENT HERE!  It is MY decision to tell MY child about his/her orgions, and MY choice on how to parent MY child.  Will I tell my child?  Absolutely.  How do I think he/she will react?  Studies have shown that children who were brought up with open disclosure about how they came to be have done quite well.  They say that they know they were wanted and loved before they were even conceived, which as an unplanned child myself is something I struggled with growing up.  So, I told the provider that.  Do you know what she had the nerve to say?  "It's nice that you think that way, but you don't have a crystal ball to predict the future with."  I told her that no one does, and I will handle the challenges appropriately when and if they present themselves, because that's part of being a parent.  Allow me to pose this question:  Do I need to have a psych eval every time I choose to have sex with a new partner just in case a child comes of it?  No, probably not.  I can sort of see the requirement for adoption situations, since the children may be special needs for a variety of situations.  It's a good idea to make sure the parent(s) are prepared to handle it.  But for this, I really think it's motivated by profit and self-serving validation on the part of the clinic.

Then, there's how I was treated overall.  As soon as I would tell a staff person I was single and having a child on my own, their attitudes changed.  They spoke to me in a condescending manner and acted like they were giving me information because they had to, not because they were truly excited about my trying to have a baby.

There are so many other reasons why I don't want to continue there.  Their billing practices, the fact that you can't get a nurse on the phone right away, the provider being triple booked that day; the list goes on and on.  I want to thank local SMC Anna for recommending Diamond Women's Center to me.  I'm going there in a couple of weeks for a consult, and I'm really hoping that things will end up being better.   I'm also meeting with my midwife next week to get her feedback on the new information.  I was sobbing when I called her office a couple of days ago, and the doula was so sweet to me.  I keep telling myself that for every non-supportive person, there's ten who are.  So, I'm going to keep living my life, which tonight will involve all you can eat Sushi in belated celebration of my birthday.  I'll be in touch.